Time.

I haven’t wanted to blog much lately but it’s not for a lack of things on my mind.

In fact, I have had many things racing through my brain for the last month or so. More specifically, I have been thinking about the cycles of life. I suppose this has nothing at all to do with my approaching 37th birthday next week…

Age may be just a number but as those numbers get increasing larger for all those close to me, I have to be frank and say that it scares the living hell out of me.

I’m not scared of how many years I have lived; I am more scared of how many I have left. As the scale tips from one end to the other, I have become more aware – so much more – of the people in my life and where their scale is, where mine is.

I am not doing this to be cynical; I am more of a realist. The bottom line is, we only have so many years in this world and the truly unfair part is that we have no idea how many – and you know, I think that kind of sucks.

My daughter is going to be 17 in a few months and I am seriously having a hard time wrapping my head around that. In one year, she will be graduating from high school and plans to leap out into the world heart first. When did this happen? How fast time flies when we are busy working and planning and stressing and cleaning.

My Mom is in her 60’s and my grandmother her mid 80’s. This happened when? I celebrate their birthdays every single year but apparently I wasn’t keeping track. A decade went by in a flash.

I am going to be 37 in one week. When I hear myself bringing up something from high school and I realize that it was almost 20 years ago, it just floors me.

The sad thing about time is that you can’t go back. I don’t regret the way I have lived my life but I know that if I could go back, there are a few things I would change. I know I would have slowed down a bit – I have always been in kind of a hurry.

The good thing about time is that it can help you maintain some perspective.

I am definitely trying to pull things in perspective – after 37 years, you would think I would have the hang of it.